Nowadays, there are many discussions between people and the goverment over the issue of how art galleries and museums should be funded. Some individuals believe that money can be spent more efficiently, while others think that it is our responsibility to maintain the hystorical and cultural heritage for our society. I believe that goverments should invest in museums and galleries for two reasons.
The first and the most important reason to support the funding of museums and art galleries is that it is financially reasonable. Moreover, art galleries and museums were built as public organisations and they should be available for all society. If the goverment does not support these institutions, people will have to pay for the opportunity to admire them and it will be unaffordable for many people. For example, all the hystorical and art organisations in Russia is funded by the goverment and the rate of visiting galleries and museums has increased every year because they are not expensive.
The second reason to support the funding of art galleries and museums is that it is vital to have knowledge about the past. Furthermore, it is important to educate people and the younger generations about our hystory and culture. Museums and art galleries not only
have entertainment purpose, they also play an educational role in our life.
In conclusion, there is no doubt that we have many problems in our society and
goverments should solve them by making investments in these areas. However, I believe
that it is vitally important, in terms of the education of people and the appreciation of culture, to keep these national institutions funded by goverments.
Activity 8.1
Imagine that you wrote this essay. Now, edit it using the editing checklist. Read the essay through once, focusing on the first set of editing questions, which check Task Response and Coherence & Cohesion.
Answer
Task Response
Have you addressed the task?
Yes - this essay answers the question by discussing the reasons why governments should fund art galleries and museums; however, there is not a lot written about the other side of the argument (only in the conclusion). To improve this essay, add more information about the opposing argument. To do this quickly, whilst editing, add in a short, one- or two-sentence opposing body paragraph. Remember that it must be quick if you are making changes in the editing phase of the process - you should be aiming to spend only 3-4 minutes editing your work.
Have you supported your ideas?
Yes - there are two main arguments given and each is supported. For example, in the first body paragraph, the argument is supported by using an example of museum attendance in Russia.
Have you given your opinion?
Yes - with the statement 'I believe that goverments should invest in museums and galleries'. This opinion is reiterated in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Have you used an Introduction/Body Paragraph/Conclusion structure?
Yes - we can see that this essay has an introduction that starts with a broad, general statement about the topic and then narrows down to the thesis statement, which also gives the writer's opinion. There are two body paragraphs that contain the main arguments and support, followed by a conclusion that restates the main opinion.
Have you used topic sentences for each paragraph?
Yes - each body paragraph starts with a topic sentence that contains the main idea for that paragraph.
Have you used linking words?
Yes- there are quite a few linking words and phrases used: the first and the most important reason/moreover/ for example/ furthermore/ in conclusion/however.
TIP Just rub out or cross out your errors and rewrite the words neatly.
Activity 8.2
Read the essay again and focus on the second set of editing questions, which check
Lexical Resource and Grammatical Range and Accuracy, and then check your answers in
the Answer Key.
Answer
Lexical Resource
Have you used a variety of academic vocabulary?
Yes - there is a good variety of academic vocabulary used in this essay, such as: cultural heritage, funding, unaffordable. However, the words 'museums and art galleries' are used quite a lot. In the conclusion, the use of 'public institutions' as a synonym for 'museums and art galleries' is well used.
The use of 'reasonable' in the first body paragraph is quite unusual but not wrong - if you have enough editing time, try to think of a better word. Also, the use of 'art organisations' in the same paragraph is awkward.
Is your spelling correct?
No - there are several spelling errors in this essay. The words ·government' and 'historical/ history· are spelt incorrectly each time they are used. It is important to check and correct any spelling errors whilst editing.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Have you used accurate grammar?
No - although the grammar is quite accurate, there are several basic errors, such as the use of 'is funded' rather than 'are funded' and 'have entertainment purpose' rather than 'have an entertainment purpose'. As these are basic errors, it is likely that they are errors the writer commonly makes and they should be corrected during editing time.
Have you used complex sentence structures?
Yes - there are no simple sentences used in this essay.
Is your punctuation correct?
Yes - there are no obvious errors with punctuation.
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