Practice Test 1
You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Write about the following topic:
Fast-food companies should not be allowed to give away free toys with their food.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.
Sample answer
The view that fast food companies have not to develop marketing strategy by toys to add sympathy of young people is gaining popularity. I agree this point of view because of damages for children to develop addiction to unhealthy alimentation.
Young people is an easy target for fast food company so parents have to check quality of the food. Unfortunately the pressure is too important and it is not easy to resist to advertisement campaign. Fore, children like toys and associated pleasure to play with toys, with a positive image of fast food, and atmosphere is fun and friendly and gives a false idea about the quality of service of the fast food campaign.
Fast food company produce a low level of quality for food. Too much fast food and sugar can be produce disease for young people and can be provoke addiction. The danger is big. We have to promote for young people a balance life because of the negative effect of fat food for young children.
On other hand toys can open the mind for young people and it is good for children to develop skill in playing with other children.
In my point of view, we have to banned marketing strategy of Fast Food Company when they manipulate children by toys. Young public has need to be protected to have an healthy life later.
(227 words)
Feedback
Task Response
This writer has addressed the task by discussing ideas that are related to the question.
However, the main ideas become unclear at times and do need to be expanded. For example,
the opposing argument (body paragraph 3) is only one sentence and should be further
expanded. If this were a full paragraph the word count could have been reached. This sample
answer is only 227 words and needs to be at least 250 words.
Coherence and Cohesion
The writer has a very good essay structure. The essay follows the pattern of:
The introduction has a thesis statement containing the main idea of the essay, i.e. that the
writer agrees with the point of view that fast-food companies should not be allowed to give
away free toys with their food. Each body paragraph begins with a topic sentence, which is
then supported, except in the opposing paragraph.
Although the writer has used some cohesive devices/linking words (e.g. unfortunately, in
my point of view). there are some incorrect linking words (fore, on other hand) that could bring
the band score down. Body paragraph 2 does not have any linking words.
Lexical Resource
The vocabulary used in this sample is good. There is a good variety of academic vocabulary,
e.g. manipulate, atmosphere, associated pleasure. The writer has also used collocations
and idioms well, e.g. develop addiction, gaining popularity, open the mind, not easy to resist.
However, occasionally the wrong word is used (e.g. sympathy, alimentation).
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
There are a lot of complex sentences attempted in this essay; however, most of these
sentences contain grammar errors. Also, the writer has some problems with verb choice,
e.g. ·can be produce', 'can be provoke', 'have to banned', 'has need to be'. Although there are
a lot of errors in grammar, the writer does try to use higher-level sentence structures and
communication is only slightly affected. The punctuation is accurate.
Overall, this essay would NOT reach a GOOD band score as it is under length and the
grammar is not accurate enough.
|
Bình luận